Confessions of A Lagos Mum – Like My Sister

Why are the zips of all my aso-ebi not going up like they use to? Only when getting dressed in buba and iro do I get that feeling I use to have when getting dressed. Also, I only admitted to myself after my husband made a comment about changes in my wardrobe. I have avoided facing the realities that I have bought more accessories especially Gele and pele over the past 3 years. It has been 3 years since I heard my mother’s voice and seen her smile.

Often from my undergraduate years, all through my career in banking and now as a business owner people took it for granted that I was older than my years. My husband was my second boyfriend, I owned property before I turned thirty and avoided a lot of pitfalls and heartache lots of my peers experienced. I even left my 9 to 5 job and veered into events management and other businesses long before the crowd caught on. The icing on the cake is the mutual respect and genuine  affection my husband and I still share as he teases me on my conservative values and approach especially in handling our challenges as a couple.

My mother had her challenges, she was widowed with 5 children between the ages of 7 and 16. Also, my sister was a major source of sorrow to her. She attended 2 universities before she graduated, her second boyfriend swindled her of a considerable amount of money and she was separated from her husband for 5 years. In addition to that I have had to support her financially and otherwise all our adult lives and cover for her more than I care to remember. To say my sister and our mother never got along would be an understatement while my mother and I rarely disagreed. Adjusting to her absence has been harder than I expected. I accused God of being unkind as I know many people older than I am with both parents alive and some with poorer health than my mother. I have continually forgotten my children’s school events which is a big no-no for me because of my father’s demise. My work has suffered continually and my husband and best friend have had to step in. My husband has had to bear the brunt and provide a shoulder for me to cry on the entire time.

My husband expressing his observations about my new preference in dressing is definitely a turning point in this 3 year downward spiral I have been on. I lift my hands and teary eyes asking my creator for help. I took a deep breath and walked to my bedroom door and froze. Often when cleaning up after one of my sister’s mishaps I would never say something I was thinking. My mother and I said this statement when criticizing my sister in her absence. Today I repeated that statement but I was the object of scorn. I took another deep breath and went to my kitchen with every intention to make my family their first proper meal in 3 years.